South Africa’s struggle with gender-based violence reveals a deeper cultural fracture — one rooted in patriarchy, emotional repression, and generations of unspoken pain.
“The reality is that everyone has been hurt by the system. Everyone’s pain ought to be acknowledged if we are ever to get to a place of love.”
I thought of a comment I made on here the other day stating that when we talk of social dynamics and need for a change— the burden/onus seems to largely land on women. I am certain this can be explained if you apply some sort of sociological theory and consideration of the historical context in which we exist, but it doesn’t negate the reality. I find that men, even the most conscious do not reach a point of wanting to act to enforce change. Even worse amongst those in the middle class who, quite frankly have one less external factor getting in the way. There are men really making an attempt, ie. The Husband podcast (they speak on fatherhood, masculinity, marriage, etc tailored for men), but young men don’t platform these men as positive influences as much as those who are negative influences. I just wonder why.
I think a lot of boys are raised to be men in a world that doesn't exist: the type of man whose masculinity is defined by power in relation to others. The ideal man is essentially not human, and thus cannot have human emotions, vulnerabilities, fears and limitations. A "Man" is the personification of an ideal quality invented by the patriarchy that puts them above human experience and accountability, which is incredibly isolating and breeds resentment and competition. You're right, there are healthier alternatives like the Husband and Man Enough podcast which are accessible but that requires vulnerability and regarding others as equal, something a lot of men have never felt safe enough to feel and is difficult when being dehumanized is normal and expected of you.
This really articulated the exhaustion and devastation we all feel but struggle to express. You're so right. Beyond the conversation and the hashtags, we need to penetrate the political structure and diagnose the cultural expectations that maintain these systems of patriarchy. Sonke Gender Justice is doing great work here and I wish more people were aware of their efforts along with Women for Change's Shutdown and mobilisation campaigns. Once we are more conscious that this isn't just a women's issue but a human rights issue, then there's more likely to be a will to change and a will to power.
I fundamentally agree with everything you said.
I wonder though, when you said
“The reality is that everyone has been hurt by the system. Everyone’s pain ought to be acknowledged if we are ever to get to a place of love.”
I thought of a comment I made on here the other day stating that when we talk of social dynamics and need for a change— the burden/onus seems to largely land on women. I am certain this can be explained if you apply some sort of sociological theory and consideration of the historical context in which we exist, but it doesn’t negate the reality. I find that men, even the most conscious do not reach a point of wanting to act to enforce change. Even worse amongst those in the middle class who, quite frankly have one less external factor getting in the way. There are men really making an attempt, ie. The Husband podcast (they speak on fatherhood, masculinity, marriage, etc tailored for men), but young men don’t platform these men as positive influences as much as those who are negative influences. I just wonder why.
I think a lot of boys are raised to be men in a world that doesn't exist: the type of man whose masculinity is defined by power in relation to others. The ideal man is essentially not human, and thus cannot have human emotions, vulnerabilities, fears and limitations. A "Man" is the personification of an ideal quality invented by the patriarchy that puts them above human experience and accountability, which is incredibly isolating and breeds resentment and competition. You're right, there are healthier alternatives like the Husband and Man Enough podcast which are accessible but that requires vulnerability and regarding others as equal, something a lot of men have never felt safe enough to feel and is difficult when being dehumanized is normal and expected of you.
This really articulated the exhaustion and devastation we all feel but struggle to express. You're so right. Beyond the conversation and the hashtags, we need to penetrate the political structure and diagnose the cultural expectations that maintain these systems of patriarchy. Sonke Gender Justice is doing great work here and I wish more people were aware of their efforts along with Women for Change's Shutdown and mobilisation campaigns. Once we are more conscious that this isn't just a women's issue but a human rights issue, then there's more likely to be a will to change and a will to power.
Beautiful read and wonderfully articulated!
🙏🏿